"probably a little longer than he'd be allowed the get away with in the Order" - to get away with "Its something I'm working on." - It's "because be was afraid it would spook you" - he, not be "Fist of all… Just don't be" - First! "they couldn't choose for him which life he thought was better." bit of awkward phrasing there. "I think Brown, at least, understand the comparison he is making better" - understands. And I might say 'better understands' rather than putting better at the end. "but I nod in ascent anyway." I like this typo too, but it should be assent! ;) "because were your friends." - we're "I'll contact you once I'm on your state." - maybe 'in'?
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-05-10 03:50 pm (UTC)"Its something I'm working on." - It's
"because be was afraid it would spook you" - he, not be
"Fist of all… Just don't be" - First!
"they couldn't choose for him which life he thought was better." bit of awkward phrasing there.
"I think Brown, at least, understand the comparison he is making better" - understands. And I might say 'better understands' rather than putting better at the end.
"but I nod in ascent anyway." I like this typo too, but it should be assent! ;)
"because were your friends." - we're
"I'll contact you once I'm on your state." - maybe 'in'?
Also, ooh! I like Victor already :)