Pieces Fourteen
Mar. 19th, 2006 05:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
measured_wordsI think this is working out rather well, all in all.
Other Pieces
I have managed to get the webcam set up and probably secure. The site Brown directed me to hosts a program for download. I install it. I don't have any crucial information on this laptop, and if I am at all suspicious, I can shut it down and reformat it later. It looks innocuous to me, but computers were never my specialty. I enter the address he directed, and wait a bare second as it connects. It is exactly 19h00, and the face of Victor Brown dominates my screen.
He looks well, and is smiling. His hair is a little longer than I remember him wearing it, and probably a little longer than he'd be allowed to get away with in the Order. He is wearing an expensive looking blue dress shirt with short sleeves. It is hard to discern much about the room behind him, except that its walls are grey, possibly metal. The camera is focused on his upper body, but it seems as though he is sitting.
"Daniel Graves! It's true then… I wasn't sure that Mike wasn't just having me on."
"You've been in contact with Xi?" Already? That was fast.
"We keep in touch, somewhat anyway. He told me when your file came to him, to see what I knew. So, what, no hello even?"
He seems pleased to see me, excited, even. What was he expecting, a more social call maybe?
"I'm sorry Victor, it has been a while. You seem well."
"Thanks. You seem to be doing better than the last time we spoke, at least."
"Better?" I barely remember our last interaction. It didn't seem important at the time. It is possible that he is referring to something I don't remember at all, however. Perhaps even something more recent.
"Less flat. Still flat, but less so. I guess I was hoping for more of an improvement after I saw the report." He shrugs, and does seem disappointed. "I guess maybe that was too much to expect…. But I'll take what I can get."
"It's something I'm working on." Of course he would notice. He's is the closest thing to a constant in my time on Earth, the only person who knew me both before and after Anna. And now, as well.
"I know. I have been in contact with Mike Xi more. He didn't want me to say because he was afraid it would spook you, but, he's so caught up all the time in the Order, and their way of making everyone paranoid, and never trusting, and… you know what it is like. Sometimes it's hard for him to see how just being honest with people can be the best way to go. Still, he's a good guy."
I nod. I know it all too well myself. It is hard to break out of the mindset that no one can be trusted. Even now I wonder if this is some kind of trick. Nevertheless, this will help me. I was hoping to get his help with Xi, and if they are already in contact, so much the better. "What does he know?"
"I told him we were going to speak today, and that I'd let him know how it went. That doesn't mean I'm just going to run off and tell him everything you say, though. I mean, he's worried about you, but he's got a lot of things on his plate that are a little more important."
"Then his people aren't actively looking for me?"
"No. In that sense, you're safe enough. If they hear anything they'd report it, but then they'd need to wait for further orders before they could act, and you'd probably have plenty of time to move on." I wonder if I can believe this.
"Daniel…. You can trust me. Really." He leans back, looking thoughtful, and disappointed perhaps? "I told you Mike showed me your files. But I knew more than he did already, I guess. I'd seen you after you were transferred. I'd seen how they'd changed you. You weren’t even the same person. After they sent me here, I started looking into things more. It-X has resources that, well, let's just say the Order wouldn't be really happy to have confirmation of them, or the Progenitors for that matter.
"So you found out what happened?"
"Mostly, yes. That was why I looked you up back then. I wanted to see what all they'd done, and how much you even remembered. Which was nothing… I guess that's changed now?"
I nod again. He still seems sympathetic. That was why I sought him out, so why am I so hesitant now? Why is it so difficult to believe that there could be anyone inside the Union that I can still trust?
"I figured you were lost for good, but I'm glad I was wrong. At first I thought it was weird that they'd go to all that effort to try and wipe you clean, and me, they just transfer over here and forget about. I think I understand it better now. You were more of an asset to them. I'm always going to be more expendable. They made me. And besides, I don't have anywhere else to go." He taps himself in the temple. "All my family lives in my head."
His story rings true. It goes along with everything else I already knew. It just seems too easy. On the other hand, there is no clear motive for him to make all this effort. There is no reason for his Convention to have even the slightest interest in me. There is no reason not to trust him and, at this point, little to lose. Now, if only it was clear how I should respond to this. I should feel more sympathetic.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that."
He shakes his head. "First of all… Just don't be. I've learned a lot. In some ways, being with the Iteration has given me a lot more freedom that I've had anywhere else. They are happy as long as I do what I'm told, and I've always been good for that. They don't even ask too much of me, and they've given me a lot in return. They don't care that I'm clone, or if they do, it makes them feel better because they can pretend I'm not as strange and confusing as normal people on the inside. And as long as I let them think it, I can get away with almost anything."
"I see…" The Order taught him how to turn himself off, but they couldn't choose for him which life he thought was better. So he can hide, now, and live on his own time. Is that how it works? Would it be worth it? And it is really so different from how I lived with Anna? Perhaps it is only a matter of degree.
"Even my work… They have me helping design a game to compete on the mass market… Trying to groom people into thinking how they want them too. I don't think it is going to work how they're hoping, but it'll make some money, and that's something we can really use. But I can work from anywhere. It isn't like I've ever seen my superiors face to face. If they even have faces. So I'm transferring to Seattle."
I can tell that he is excited by this, but not sure how I will react. I am surprised.
"Why?"
"So I can help better. Help you and Mike figure things out. I told you, he's not a bad guy. He's just more caught up in things since he was promoted. And there are some serious problems out there for him to deal with. Real problems, not just things that the Union thinks are problems… But look. I'm coming out there. Mike said you were probably still in Portland somewhere?"
Xi implied the same, or tried to – that he needed help, and that the cause was 'good'. I think Brown, at least, better understands the comparison he is making. This cause is good, in his eyes, as opposed to other causes championed by the Union. I wonder what they are fighting… And if I can continue to avoid involvement. It could still be a trick, but I nod in assent anyway.
"There. I'll be close enough to see more easily, but not too close. I know you need some time to get over your problems with the Technocracy, but we're not all bad. We never were. You never were, when you were thinking for yourself. Remember those kids? And Cash? There is always room to maneuver if you look for it. Trust me… when you don't have the option of getting out, you learn to look a little closer."
These are the same lines that Xi offered, only with just a slightly different twist. I am more inclined to believe that Victor, at least, thinks this is really true. That doesn't mean it is true.
"Victor, all I want is to be left alone."
"Well, then I'm sorry. You know that's just not how things work. Mike told you he'd leave you alone as best he could, but he knows, and you know, that it can't work like that forever. Maybe you can't accept it right now, but you are going to need us. And we'll be here, because we're your friends."
He is right. I don't accept that.
"You're blanking out on me again, Daniel. You have that flat look." He sighs and shakes his head. "I have to go now. This address is only stable for so long. I'll contact you once I'm in your state." He looks pained now, and a bit frustrated. The screen flickers. "Look, trust me or not, but there is more to this than you know. I have important information for you."
"What about?"
I'm not sure he heard, me. The connection is unstable, and flickering more. He comes back into focus a moment later, mid sentence, but it is choppy.
"…there? …files on Anna…bring them…."
The screen blacks out completely, and the connection closes. Now I am left to wonder if he left this to the end on purpose, and what he might know. It is hardly a surprised that someone in the Union might have kept files on Anna, but he is right that I need to know what is in them. Although I wish I could trust him, and believe him if he claims to be my friend, I can't help thinking that it would be far more dangerous for me to start trusting other technocrats too easily too soon. I will have to wait and see.
Other Pieces
I have managed to get the webcam set up and probably secure. The site Brown directed me to hosts a program for download. I install it. I don't have any crucial information on this laptop, and if I am at all suspicious, I can shut it down and reformat it later. It looks innocuous to me, but computers were never my specialty. I enter the address he directed, and wait a bare second as it connects. It is exactly 19h00, and the face of Victor Brown dominates my screen.
He looks well, and is smiling. His hair is a little longer than I remember him wearing it, and probably a little longer than he'd be allowed to get away with in the Order. He is wearing an expensive looking blue dress shirt with short sleeves. It is hard to discern much about the room behind him, except that its walls are grey, possibly metal. The camera is focused on his upper body, but it seems as though he is sitting.
"Daniel Graves! It's true then… I wasn't sure that Mike wasn't just having me on."
"You've been in contact with Xi?" Already? That was fast.
"We keep in touch, somewhat anyway. He told me when your file came to him, to see what I knew. So, what, no hello even?"
He seems pleased to see me, excited, even. What was he expecting, a more social call maybe?
"I'm sorry Victor, it has been a while. You seem well."
"Thanks. You seem to be doing better than the last time we spoke, at least."
"Better?" I barely remember our last interaction. It didn't seem important at the time. It is possible that he is referring to something I don't remember at all, however. Perhaps even something more recent.
"Less flat. Still flat, but less so. I guess I was hoping for more of an improvement after I saw the report." He shrugs, and does seem disappointed. "I guess maybe that was too much to expect…. But I'll take what I can get."
"It's something I'm working on." Of course he would notice. He's is the closest thing to a constant in my time on Earth, the only person who knew me both before and after Anna. And now, as well.
"I know. I have been in contact with Mike Xi more. He didn't want me to say because he was afraid it would spook you, but, he's so caught up all the time in the Order, and their way of making everyone paranoid, and never trusting, and… you know what it is like. Sometimes it's hard for him to see how just being honest with people can be the best way to go. Still, he's a good guy."
I nod. I know it all too well myself. It is hard to break out of the mindset that no one can be trusted. Even now I wonder if this is some kind of trick. Nevertheless, this will help me. I was hoping to get his help with Xi, and if they are already in contact, so much the better. "What does he know?"
"I told him we were going to speak today, and that I'd let him know how it went. That doesn't mean I'm just going to run off and tell him everything you say, though. I mean, he's worried about you, but he's got a lot of things on his plate that are a little more important."
"Then his people aren't actively looking for me?"
"No. In that sense, you're safe enough. If they hear anything they'd report it, but then they'd need to wait for further orders before they could act, and you'd probably have plenty of time to move on." I wonder if I can believe this.
"Daniel…. You can trust me. Really." He leans back, looking thoughtful, and disappointed perhaps? "I told you Mike showed me your files. But I knew more than he did already, I guess. I'd seen you after you were transferred. I'd seen how they'd changed you. You weren’t even the same person. After they sent me here, I started looking into things more. It-X has resources that, well, let's just say the Order wouldn't be really happy to have confirmation of them, or the Progenitors for that matter.
"So you found out what happened?"
"Mostly, yes. That was why I looked you up back then. I wanted to see what all they'd done, and how much you even remembered. Which was nothing… I guess that's changed now?"
I nod again. He still seems sympathetic. That was why I sought him out, so why am I so hesitant now? Why is it so difficult to believe that there could be anyone inside the Union that I can still trust?
"I figured you were lost for good, but I'm glad I was wrong. At first I thought it was weird that they'd go to all that effort to try and wipe you clean, and me, they just transfer over here and forget about. I think I understand it better now. You were more of an asset to them. I'm always going to be more expendable. They made me. And besides, I don't have anywhere else to go." He taps himself in the temple. "All my family lives in my head."
His story rings true. It goes along with everything else I already knew. It just seems too easy. On the other hand, there is no clear motive for him to make all this effort. There is no reason for his Convention to have even the slightest interest in me. There is no reason not to trust him and, at this point, little to lose. Now, if only it was clear how I should respond to this. I should feel more sympathetic.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that."
He shakes his head. "First of all… Just don't be. I've learned a lot. In some ways, being with the Iteration has given me a lot more freedom that I've had anywhere else. They are happy as long as I do what I'm told, and I've always been good for that. They don't even ask too much of me, and they've given me a lot in return. They don't care that I'm clone, or if they do, it makes them feel better because they can pretend I'm not as strange and confusing as normal people on the inside. And as long as I let them think it, I can get away with almost anything."
"I see…" The Order taught him how to turn himself off, but they couldn't choose for him which life he thought was better. So he can hide, now, and live on his own time. Is that how it works? Would it be worth it? And it is really so different from how I lived with Anna? Perhaps it is only a matter of degree.
"Even my work… They have me helping design a game to compete on the mass market… Trying to groom people into thinking how they want them too. I don't think it is going to work how they're hoping, but it'll make some money, and that's something we can really use. But I can work from anywhere. It isn't like I've ever seen my superiors face to face. If they even have faces. So I'm transferring to Seattle."
I can tell that he is excited by this, but not sure how I will react. I am surprised.
"Why?"
"So I can help better. Help you and Mike figure things out. I told you, he's not a bad guy. He's just more caught up in things since he was promoted. And there are some serious problems out there for him to deal with. Real problems, not just things that the Union thinks are problems… But look. I'm coming out there. Mike said you were probably still in Portland somewhere?"
Xi implied the same, or tried to – that he needed help, and that the cause was 'good'. I think Brown, at least, better understands the comparison he is making. This cause is good, in his eyes, as opposed to other causes championed by the Union. I wonder what they are fighting… And if I can continue to avoid involvement. It could still be a trick, but I nod in assent anyway.
"There. I'll be close enough to see more easily, but not too close. I know you need some time to get over your problems with the Technocracy, but we're not all bad. We never were. You never were, when you were thinking for yourself. Remember those kids? And Cash? There is always room to maneuver if you look for it. Trust me… when you don't have the option of getting out, you learn to look a little closer."
These are the same lines that Xi offered, only with just a slightly different twist. I am more inclined to believe that Victor, at least, thinks this is really true. That doesn't mean it is true.
"Victor, all I want is to be left alone."
"Well, then I'm sorry. You know that's just not how things work. Mike told you he'd leave you alone as best he could, but he knows, and you know, that it can't work like that forever. Maybe you can't accept it right now, but you are going to need us. And we'll be here, because we're your friends."
He is right. I don't accept that.
"You're blanking out on me again, Daniel. You have that flat look." He sighs and shakes his head. "I have to go now. This address is only stable for so long. I'll contact you once I'm in your state." He looks pained now, and a bit frustrated. The screen flickers. "Look, trust me or not, but there is more to this than you know. I have important information for you."
"What about?"
I'm not sure he heard, me. The connection is unstable, and flickering more. He comes back into focus a moment later, mid sentence, but it is choppy.
"…there? …files on Anna…bring them…."
The screen blacks out completely, and the connection closes. Now I am left to wonder if he left this to the end on purpose, and what he might know. It is hardly a surprised that someone in the Union might have kept files on Anna, but he is right that I need to know what is in them. Although I wish I could trust him, and believe him if he claims to be my friend, I can't help thinking that it would be far more dangerous for me to start trusting other technocrats too easily too soon. I will have to wait and see.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-10 03:50 pm (UTC)"Its something I'm working on." - It's
"because be was afraid it would spook you" - he, not be
"Fist of all… Just don't be" - First!
"they couldn't choose for him which life he thought was better." bit of awkward phrasing there.
"I think Brown, at least, understand the comparison he is making better" - understands. And I might say 'better understands' rather than putting better at the end.
"but I nod in ascent anyway." I like this typo too, but it should be assent! ;)
"because were your friends." - we're
"I'll contact you once I'm on your state." - maybe 'in'?
Also, ooh! I like Victor already :)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-10 05:31 pm (UTC)